Hypocrite of the week
Theresa May who so recently lectured Scotland's first minister that 'politics isn't a game'. As the Scottish Review exclusively revealed at the time, that is exactly what politics is and always has been – a fact now confirmed by none other than Theresa May herself.
Little bit of history being re-written here
The constant assurance of the right-wing press, prior to Tuesday 18 May at 11am, that May is a politician who 'just gets on with the job'
Pot and kettle award
To the SNP, masters of opportunism, for accusing the Tories of opportunism
Most useless journalists (lifetime achievement award)
In the usual hotly contested field, this coveted honour goes to the commentariat. Although there are many theories about the 'real' reason May called the election, unanimity reigns about one thing: no bugger saw it coming. What exactly is the point of political pundits, then?
Benefit of hindsight award
Fraser Nelson, editor of the Spectator, for his sage observation that it was 'too good a chance to miss'
U-turns of the week
'The lady is for U-turning' (Daily Mirror)
'As U-turns go, it is an absolute screecher. The smell of rubber on the Downing Street black top is acrid and foul' (Guardian)
Runner-up stale metaphor of the week
'Bolt from the blue' (Daily Telegraph)
Say that again?
'An astonishing act of political courage' (Daily Telegraph) when the bookies and the polls are all predicting a landslide victory for May
Easter lamb to the slaughter award
Labour for refusing to oppose the election, further proof that Jeremy Corbyn secretly loathes his own party and would like to see it destroyed
Why did she do it?
Version 1: She wants to silence hard-right opposition in her own party and make a softer Brexit possible (Times)
Version 2: She wants to 'call the bluff of the game-playing Remoaners' and push through a hard Brexit (Daily Mail)
A third theory
It's all just speculation
When did she decide?
On a recent walking holiday in Snowdonia (some newspapers)
Ages ago (other newspapers)
Prediction of the week
A Tory majority of 140 and Labour reduced to 164 MPs (a Mr Thrasher)
The immediate future of Professor John Curtice
Punter of the week
Brenda from Bristol who, like so many others, can't stand the thought of it
To be continued next week: unfortunately