The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. (Mark Twain)
My brother, Calum, was born on 13 December 1997, the final member of our family. I distinctly remember the first time I laid eyes on him; this little red tomato-looking thing all bundled up in white hospital blankets, gently sleeping in my mother’s arms. I wondered what it would be like to grow up with a brother, what he would be like in the future. Would I find him as existentially irritating as my younger sister was (and truth be told, still is)? What would he be like when he was older? At the moment, this baby was a complete blank canvas but my five-year-old self was excited to find out and I couldn’t wait to share the world with him.
We first started noticing that Calum was a little bit different when he was around three years old. At home, he was playful and excitable. However, nursery was a different story. Most children in a nursery can either be found playing in the sand or tearing each other’s hair out. Calum on the other hand was unwilling to join the children and would rather eat the sand. In fact, the most interesting part about my brother at this time was his bizarre eating habits. Sand, dirt, washing powder, stones – nothing was safe. Whether it was rattling the washing machine drawer or picking up stones from the garden, this boy loved anything gritty.
The next two years were a blur of growing up interspersed with the occasional happy holiday-style family outing to occupational health clinics and hospitals. I spent many long hours sitting in sterile, clinical waiting rooms, often with only a chewed children’s book for amusement, wondering why Calum was going to the hospital. He seemed fine on the outside.
Eventually, after months of greyscale uncertainty, we finally got an answer. Like Dorothy opening the door, full technicolor clarity washed over us. With the words: ‘Asperger’s Syndrome’, the mystery was solved. But the journey into Oz had only just begun.
As Calum started school, the differences became more acute. Often drifting into his own world, running up and down the living room for hours, saying exactly what entered his brain and hiding when people came to visit. Senses could become overloaded and simple things like holding a fork could be a real challenge. However, we adapted and it became our ‘normal’. And we managed to substitute rocks, dirt and sand for a biscuit called a ‘Rocky’ which some of you may be familiar with. A recent calculation leads the family and I to believe that Calum has probably consumed about 15,000 Rockys in his lifetime (and I’ve never been allowed a single one).
It’s not always plain sailing. As Calum gets older, the differences have become more pronounced. When we were younger, I would see my friends with their siblings and wonder why Calum wasn’t the same. I never spoke about it. Until one day, a classmate came up to me and started to say horrible things about my brother. Since that day I have been a fierce protector of my brother and have become his biggest fan.
Calum is 18 now and life is getting a lot more complex. Social anxiety, difficulties at school, frustration and sometimes even depression. It’s a tough world for someone with Asperger’s Syndrome and yet, it’s mostly good days. His quick wit and caring nature make him a bright star in a sky of ‘normal’.
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
No-one knows why Calum was born. And sometimes, although it saddens me, I feel Calum wonders why he was born too. I have an idea though. For me, Calum was born to teach people, including myself, that it’s okay to be different, that you shouldn’t judge others, and that ‘normal’ is a completely abstract and flexible concept. When my brother was in the middle of meltdown, my father sat him down and said: ‘Maybe, you’re normal and everyone else is just crazy?’. I think there’s a lot of sense in that and perhaps if we were all a little bit more like Calum, life would be a lot better.
Amy Peters is a former delegate of the Young Scotland Programme
***************************************************************************************
By Amy Peters | 28 October 2016
