The township of 12 people
which sells four million
cans of beer a year
Scotland
in the
heat
The Midgie
The Midgie on Sunday is proud in its souvenir second edition to be able to reveal Scotland’s ‘Date with Destiny’ as 16 September 2014. This would neatly avoid the annual tattie-howking holiday of our politically conscious young folk.
Except in Auchermuchty, where tattie-howking starts a little earlier than elsewhere. Regrettably, therefore, 16 September 2014 has been ruled out.
The Midgie on Sunday decrees instead that Scotland’s ‘Date with Destiny’ should be 3 August 2014. This otherwise perfect choice has raised a certain objection in the economically inactive city of Glasgow, where the inhabitants are just back from Tenereefie and feeling a wee bittie tired.
The suggested alternative, 18 October, happens to fall on a Saturday, when most people go shopping.
This takes us into November, when everyone’s feeling comprehensively brassed off on account of those grey, grey northern skies. An’at.
Christmas Day could be a possibility, if it weren’t so close to New Year’s Day, when most people are recovering from a challenging night with Jackie Bird.
The Midgie on Sunday recommends pushing back the date to 25 January 2015. An unfortunate conflict then arises with the annual Lower Largo Burns Supper.
What of February 2015? Ideal, if it were not for that pesky half-term holiday.
If any Midgie on Sunday readers can think of a date in the next 10 years which is not otherwise occupied by (a) a school holiday; (b) a ‘festival’; (c) a ‘book festival’; (d) a gala day; (e) another election of some sort; (f) an edition of the Scottish Review; (g) a weather crisis created by Stewart Stevenson; or (h) some other impediment to that state of independence we all so fervently desire, please contact Islay McMidgie at the usual address.
Islay McMidgie replies: Our ‘Date with Destiny’ should obviously be 31 December 2014 – our great leader’s 60th birthday. Cheers!
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Islay’s Scotland
Concern for the mental health of people called Cliff, just over the
Scottish side of the border
Photograph by Islay McLeod
An appeal
to all Scots, of all
parties and none
Kenyon Wright
Kenyon Wright is president of the Constitutional Commission (constitutionalcommission.org)