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10 May 2022
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Strange though it feels to commit it to writing, I am beginning to suspect that our family dog may in fact be an assassin. Ostensibly a wee curly black and white ball of fun, she appears lately to be displaying malignant tendencies in regard to me. I say in regard to me, though I am frightened to ask anyone else in my family if they have witnessed character changes, which might belie any ignoble sentiment toward them. Besides, I am the one who accompanies her on her daily exercise regime and so any discreditable behaviour when with them may not manifest so regularly or be so apparent. As I say at the top of this piece, I initially felt uneasy and maybe even a trifle foolish to so overtly document my fears and suspicion in this way.

Daisy is getting on a bit and now, more than occasionally, she stubbornly refuses to follow my commands or pleadings. For some time, she has refused to walk beyond the end of our street, other than to the bus stop just around the corner where she 'puts down the anchor' and simply declines to go any further. As a result, we have reached a mutually acceptable solution, as in acceptable to her, where we jump on the first bus that comes along and travel way beyond the area we live in. On alighting the bus, we commence our walk.

What sometimes follows can best be described as a war of attrition as I attempt to follow our, by now, well-trodden route whilst my canine friend resists with all her might. This doesn't happen all the time, but she does have her moments where, for no apparent reason, she just stops in her tracks and will not move on despite coaxing, cajoling or any other 'ings' you care to mention.

And that is where, in the main, the problem lies. You see, previously I have not really taken much notice of where these sudden stops occur, caught up in the effort to get Daisy to move on, as I have been. It is only recently, in fact in the past few days, that it has dawned on me, what in retrospect I suspect has been a long-running pattern. She has been stopping in the middle of the road.

When she does this, it is always to go to the toilet. My task is to pick up the debris for onward disposal and, unpleasant as it is, I have always viewed it as a trade-off. She gives me affection, I pick up her sh*t. Quid pro Quo. The road thing though has definitely increased in frequency over the last wee while, with Daisy lingering that bit more pre or post having completed the necessary actions. As I dwell on that prospect, the more I recall the amount of fast-flowing traffic which has increasingly appeared around these incidents. I am not a person prone to paranoia but I can in my new found clarity see the patterns emerge. I am sure I am on to something.

But why, I hear you ask, would your dog companion harbour such malevolent thoughts about you and try to lure you to your death in such an open and identifiable manner? Well, after a great deal of thought, my conclusion is that the answer is in the question. Simply put, why would anyone suspect a dog of planning and executing such a horrendous act, especially in regard its companion? It is the perfect cover to the perfect crime.

I know to some people this all sounds pretty implausible and I suspect I would have felt the same on reading this story about another person and dog. However, now my eyes have been opened, I can't un-know this truth and I just wish there was something like a social media space where I could perhaps share my experience and help others to awaken to similar situations they might find themselves in with their 'pets'.

I must finish now as Daisy, who had been lying sleeping, is starting to stir. My simple sign off to you is try to look beyond what you think you know, open your eyes and wake up to what is going on around you.

Frank Eardley

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