Silly Billies
A column of the week’s seriously bad ideas
• The proposal by Christine Grahame, an SNP MSP, that the George Medal for civilian bravery should be replaced because it is ‘quintessentially English’.
• The Scottish Legal Awards. Did 500 lawyers really meet for a glittering bash to hand each other prizes for excellence?
The Midgie says: It must have been a bad dream. Send me the bill.
• Plans for a resort casino in Stranraer. See also: oxymorons »»»
• The decision to switch on 50 street-lights on a housing estate in Aviemore that hasn’t been built yet.
Notes from
the Courts
Amanda Beattie, aged 29, leapt from a first-floor flat in Perth to escape police who she mistakenly believed were looking for her. She fell on top of a female PC. Fined £200.
The New
Populism
Easy ways of pleasing the masses without necessarily having the power
to do anything about it
The First Minister has demanded that football matches involving the Scottish team should be shown on terrestrial television, not on satellite stations.
Next Week’s News
• Christopher Harvie tells The Herald why he’s sorry for Lockerbie
• Christopher Harvie tells The Scotsman why he’s sorry for young louts
• Christopher Harvie tells The Midgie why he’s sorry he was ever born
The Midgie Review
An ox of
oxymoron fame
The Midgie is launching a three-volume, long-overdue, much-awaited Dictionary of Scottish Oxymorons (Midgie Publications, £49.49). The Midgie’s Literary Editor, Lendal Foot, reminds readers that an oxymoron is a figure of speech by means of which contradictory terms are combined so as to form an expressive phrase or epithet.
This week, the first of 39 exclusive extracts from our Christmas best-seller.
Alistair Darling
Ayr Gaiety
Bagpipe music
Bonnie Dundee
Brechin City
Community Councils
Edinburgh Festival
Forfar Athletic
Glasgow kiss
Gorgeous George
Happy hours
Highland hospitality
Midgie repellent
The Midgie says: we are not amused.
Scottish Amicable
Scottish Equitable
Scottish Power
Social housing
Super loo
Vegetarian haggis
Rubbish
Tips
Don’t risk a pony on our advice
A splendid start to our weekly racing service. Northern Alliance, which we backed to celebrate the growing concord between Alex Salmond and Annabel Goldie, was a non-runner. Irish Legend, which we backed in honour of Ian Paisley’s visit to Scotland last week, finished naewhere. As a result of these ill-advised speculations, we are £2 down on the season. Call The Midgie prudent if you must.
Our tips for Saturday:
We recommend Funny Fellow in the 2.05 at Newbury and Too Forward in the 2.40 also at Newbury, in praise of Christopher Harvie, MSP; and Wogan in the 4.00 at Kempton in honour of our greatest public figure, who will be landed tomorrow evening with yet another UK Eurovision dud.